Friday, December 14, 2007

Saying Goodbye To The Past


It often happens in the course of a life, and especially when inner movement causes the heart to seek new horizons or relationships in order to further its own growth, that the past must be let go of. Sometimes this involves a physical change of circumstance and a physical separation from what one has formerly loved. Sometimes, the separation is only inner. However it occurs, what is needed in order that forward movement take place, is a saying goodbye to what has been so that a chapter in life can be closed out and a new one begun.

Where letting go appears to be relatively simple, in that a circumstance or relationship is no longer as valued as it once was, while another appears to offer great promise, even then, it is rarely as simple as one might think to say goodbye. For where love has been involved previously, the part of the heart that has loved – whether a person, place, activity, or goal in life – has invested a part of itself and its identity in that thing.

It has reached out with its inner being and given of itself so that to whatever degree, what has been loved is now part of oneself. For this reason, detaching from what has been is rarely as simple as it appears or as one might thinks it ought to be. The part of the self that has lived and grown in the company of a particular person or situation exists in a timeless way. For love itself is timeless, and so at the moment of departure, all that has been is still real to the heart, even if it does not exist as a present desire to remain. As a result, each soul needs to be both gentle and respectful of the process of saying goodbye to something that was once cared for, not out of fear of letting go or out of guilt about moving on, but out of a sense of respect for truth which, emerging from the heart, lets one know that a chapter in life that has contained 'life' is closing so that a new one can begin. Often, a process that is explicit which allows one to formally take leave of something can be helpful so that the heart feels a sense of closure and can know that everything that is possible to feel in the present has been felt, and what has needed to be said has been said.

Where this is not possible due to circumstance, taking leave in one's mind and heart with a sense of prayerfulness and gratitude for what has been will serve equally well, especially when God's love is called upon to assist with the process. Those who are afraid of sadness in saying goodbye and who choose denial or avoidance instead, will miss something valuable by avoiding the process of deliberate closure and deliberate letting go. What will be missed will be the sense of fully choosing the future with one's whole self, including the part that feels pain or sadness or doubt. This integrity of choice and of consciousness is one benefit to be gained by the process of saying goodbye. Another is that sadness about leaving something often simultaneously evoke the presence of love for what has been, and this, too, can be a blessing. For in life, wherever love is, there, too, gratitude may be for the gifts that have been given to the life of the heart. And no matter what limitations or restrictions may have been placed around that love due to one's own choices or those of others, the small portion that existed beyond the restrictions needs to be honored for what it was. The lifeblood of the heart flows from season to season, sometimes changing external circumstances in the process, sometimes changing only the inner landscape of hopes, wishes, and dreams to conform to the process of inner growth. Where one is already embarked upon a conscious spiritual path, these changes will happen with greater awareness, for they are part of the richness of having an inner life that has acquired depth. At the same time, feelings involved in letting go will also be felt more deeply, for in the presence of greater inner clarity, all that exists as emotion becomes more fully revealed.

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